If they Have Sex, Will you Read?
by Toxicmind
Summary: Zim has a startling confession to make. Dib is officially creeped out. GIR watches TV. A second chapter added.
1. Hey! Read This!

If They Have Sex, Will You Read?

AN: Sensitive people may find this a bit offensive, so there's your warning.

Disclaimer: Invader Zim was created by Jhonen Vasquez. Cause he rocks.

            Dib was going to put a stop to this. Right now. He had heard that Zim had been hanging around his sister, _his sister_. But not anymore, not if _he _had any say in it.

            Zim was standing in the playground with his back towards our approaching hero, minding his own business. _The villain!_ Dib approached and made sure to stop in such a way that his coat caught in the wind and blew all nifty like.

            "Hey Zim!"

            His enemy turned around. Dib leaned back a bit in alarm. The aliens looked different. His eyes were wobbly, and he had a silly grin on his face. It suddenly hit Dib that the Irken looked so different because he was _happy._ This was surely a cause for alarm.

            "Ah, foul mouth Dib Human," he sighed joyfully, "do you know what _love _is?"

            Dib was very taken aback. "Of course I do. Do _you_?" 

            "I do…_now_." The Irken sighed again. Then looked at Dib and looked away again quickly. And was he _blushing?_ Dib was sure he must be hallucinating.

            "Ok, Zim. This is getting too weird even for me. I don't even care about it anymore. Go out with my sister, see if I care. I'm going home."

            "WAIT!" Zim shrieked. He raced after the paranormal investigator and grabbed his arm. Dib pulled his hand free and jumped back about a foot, but did stay to listen to what the alien had to say.

            "Don't you see? Gaz is not the one I love. The one I love is…" He blushed again, then looked into his eyes, "you."

            Dib screamed and jumped back another foot. "But, we hate each other. You always try to kill me! You're trying to take over the earth!"

            Zim dug his foot into the ground. "That's just how I show my affection," he said bashfully.

            "_Affection?_ You're an _alien!_ What do _you_ know about it?"

            "You can teach me!" Zim walked closer to Dib, "Please Dib, teach me to _love_." The green boy leaned into Dib's personal space. The pale boy wasted no time in screaming and running away as fast as he could.

---

            GIR had just finished watching TV and was about to watch more TV when Zim came home. He shut the door and leaned back on it with a grin on his face. It was not the silly grin of love that he wore earlier, but his more famous evil grin of victory. To embellish more on the later point, Zim then let loose an evil laugh that carried itself throughout the house. GIR, oblivious to all, joined in with his high pitched giggles.

            "GIR, do you know what love is?" Zim asked once he was finished crackling.      

"Fuzzy with a cream filling!" he answered, intently watching a commercial.

            "Love is Power. To love a human is to be in control of them, no matter what they think of you in return. Love…is the weakness of the humans. Come GIR."

            "Are we going to eat snacks?"

            "No, but we have much to do GIR. So much to do. We must make use of the time we have. We won't be seeing the Dib human around for _quite_ awhile."

The end.

AN: Ok, I'm back. For those who missed the joke…Zim was only pretending to love Dib. To scare him away. Ok? I actually like how this turned out. I find it funny…but apparently my sense of humor is quite twisted. This was actually inspired by Wobbly Head Bob. All hail the Bob.

If you think about it, Zim is really out of character in this. Just because I don't think he would actually be smart enough to a.) figure out love is a weakness and b.) put on an act like that. But you know…whatever.

 Any Comments, suggestions, or flames are appreciated…except for the stupid ones.


	2. Oh no! Another One!

Dib sat curled up in his bed. Rocking back and forth, muttering quietly to himself. He had finally snapped. Or resnapped depending on how you see his mental state. Gaz came into his room, already angry at him.

"Dib!" She screamed in her usual high pitched voice, "Did you drink the last soda? I swear, if you drank my soda…"

"N…Not now Gaz. I'm kinda trying to hold on to the fragile remnants of my sanity. I really don't need you attacking me right now."

Suddenly, Gaz opened her eyes wide. They were teary and full of emotion. "_Attack you?" _She said suddenly in a sugary sweet voice, "Why would I ever do that? You're my brother. And even though it doesn't always seem like it…I lo-"

"No! Don't say it! I've had a really weird day Gaz, and I don't need you going insane too!" Dib said, backing away from his sister, more afraid of her now than he had ever been before.

"But Dib I lo-"

"Noooooooooooooo!" He screamed and he dashed past Gaz and out of the room.

As soon as he was gone, Gaz chuckled and squinted her eyes again. "Heh, freak," she said as she took back her soda from his dresser.

---

The sun was setting, making Zim's house glow eerily. The alien was surprised to hear the doorbell ring, and even more surprised to see Dib standing there.

"Dib? What are you doing here?" he asked suspiciously.

"Well, I've been thinking about what you said before…"

"What are you talking abou—" Zim began when he suddenly remembered. "Oh. Ohhhh…" He stood there awkwardly.

"Well, I was wondering if maybe you're right. If maybe we _could_ work something out."

Zim began to retreat hastily, "Well yeah, I was kind of feeling sick that day, I was probably saying some things that I didn't really mean…Or maybe you were hallucinating, you SICK human thing. Who knows what kind of sick earthly delusionary illnesses you have!"

"Common Zim, you were all over me yesterday. Just _one_ date tonight?"

"Umm…no…I have to wash my…gnomes."

"Pleeeaaaassseeee?" Dib said, holding out the word like a whiney teenaged girl.

"But I have no reproduction organs."

"I'm sure we can work past it."

There was another awkward pause. Dib wore a smile like a diseased clown. Zim thought about which ways would be best to destroy the earth monkey.

Dib suddenly broke the pause, "Well how about a goodbye kiss before I go?"

Zim took another step back into his house and slammed the door in Dib's face. Dib could hear his footsteps as he ran far away into the safe confines of his base.

"HA! Take **that **Zim! Now we're even!" Dib shouted and began laughing loudly in victory. However it was cut short when the gnomes dragged him off the lawn and into the street. Dib skidded across the pavement. It was painful, but the taste of asphalt in his mouth did not deter his mood. He ran home to plan on more ways to save the earth from the coming alien invasion.

From inside the base, Zim cursed the earth boy and GIR ate snacks. Once again all was right with the world.

The End. Finally.

AN: Ugh…I can't believe I wrote a sequel. That was so horrible! But I hope it gives some of you a sense of completion. Thank you to everyone who read and everyone who reviewed. I'm glad you all enjoyed the idiotic story. Yar.


End file.
